A eulogy for a special someone

Ever experienced the salty sea breeze bracing towards you, like it does not have an end; it can go on forever? That’s what being with her was like; receiving constant surges of emotion, be it love or hatred.

Our relationship or I’d rather say bond, was like a coast: I-the beach and cliffs, and she-the oceanic waves.

I believed I was a mystery, and I never wanted to be solved. I know she always wanted to know more, gather as much of me as she could, but I didn’t let her, did I? I didn’t let her erode a lot of thoughts of mine, but I did give her most of me. Only did she deserve those lost parts of me.

Now, I wish I had let her erode all of me, for I can no longer be the person who I was with her. However, all I can do is let her deposit parts of herself, as she recedes back into the ocean that made her. 

She left me in the middle, with nowhere to go. I can neither reach up the surface and forget her nor can I go deeper. She’s the ocean that I poured my tears in, the ocean that I dived into, and the ocean that I drowned in. 

She knew me so well; more than anyone in my life. My vulnerability vanished as she did from this world, leaving me behind as the unsolved mystery I’ve always wanted to be. 

She ultimately gave me what I wanted, and I’m grateful for all that she’s done for me. Though, I’m sorry for not letting her have the whole of me. I didn’t give her what she deserved. I’m sorry…

I once told her that I’d love to be a person she wouldn’t like… I didn’t finish my words, so she insisted me to tell her the entire thing and explain what I meant when I said it. 

Honestly, it meant nothing in particular when I said it, but later on, I pondered and realised it did mean something. I said it for a reason. I didn’t want to be people’s expectations or predictions. I wanted to be unforeseeable and do unpredictable things, but she would almost always predict who I’d be, or what I’d do, so I  thought that the only chance I could be unpredictable, would be if I was someone she wouldn’t like.

I believe my life is a book. She’s the ellipsis in my story. Things have been left unspoken and incomplete because she was there to comprehend my silence; to understand without me having to explain anything. 

We both didn’t know how to smile, especially me. I’m sure she’s laughing at me while I say this. I’m lucky to have found an anti-social weirdo just like me and blessed to have her by my side for so long. May I cherish all the memories I shared with her…

This was actually a birthday gift to someone extremely special in my life. The most heartfelt gift I’ve ever given to anyone. The birthday girl says that it’s the best written piece of mine that she’s read yet. I’m glad you liked it, weirdo. I hope I never have to say it ,though. Just hang with me forever…

Published by Kamya Seervi

A poetess consumed by wanderlust and eaten up by the eagerness to know about the mysteries of life. A poetess, writer, traveller, wanderer, ponderer and fitness enthusiast. I'm a fifteen-year-old and I love expressing my thoughts through poems, blogs, essays and other pieces of writing. I hope you like my work!

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